Forever Teenage Wenwen

NYU math in financial

2011-09-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

原本暑假一来就打定了主意好好做research，以便master毕业后能够顺利申请到phd继续深造。整个暑假跌跌撞撞，异常艰难地做了一些research的起步工作，读了很多似懂非懂的paper，做了一些马马虎虎的implementation。虽然，对research的辛苦已经有所畏惧，并且自认为不具备phd们聪明灵活的脑袋，层出不穷的idea，但是还是为了phd的梦想打定了主意。

开学后参加了一场campus career fair，今年很给力，诸如摩根，美林，pwc等世界大公司都来做了宣传。冲着这些公司的名号，我心里那蠢蠢欲动的小白领梦又雨后发芽了。又想到，平日里做engineering research的种种boring和depression，不由得更加期盼能够成为一名工作在世界级投行的小白领，而且还不是做tech support的那种！

于是，半年前怂恿夏子申请NYU math in financial的idea，我打算落实在自己的身上。当然，这个专业依旧very very very very difficult to apply，需要扎实的math background，金融知识倒是次要的，申请页面上着重又着重滴强调了math background，好吧，谁让NYU的FE是全美前五名呢！

问题来了，我可是一个engineering student，少得可怜的math 基础还只是本科阶段的高数，现代，概率这些，更加要命的是本科的高数考的惨不忍睹。拿出本科阶段的transcription来，反而更加没有说服力。这得需要花大力气好好动脑筋想一想怎么弥补不足，劝服admission的人说我有实力和能力获得录取。

ps：难道我得把linear algebra自学一遍？好吧，这下子，我这学期的workload可就太太太重了！

I feel depressed and angry today!

2011-08-14T15:28:00.001-07:00

That's a man with no ambitious noeffort. just think about game and fun! his mother is even so proud of her son! OMG, isn't such a crazy world? I feel sick of him!

stop clean up! OK?!

2011-05-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

PLEASE STOP! Don't clean up my room any more!

【转】 The Ph.D Experience------Mihir Bellare---Department of Computer Science & Engineering University of California at San Diego

2011-05-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

This document records some reflections and information for my current or prospective students pursuing
or wanting to pursue a Ph.D in computer science at UCSD. It tries to tell you something about the research
``way of life'' as I see it, your relationship with your advisor, and the expectations and goals of the
program.
The views here are entirely personal. They do not reflect those of the university, the department, or other
faculty. They are not only my views but are about research in my areas, meaning about theoretical work
especially in cryptography.
Interspaced with the discussions are questions. I would appreciate your answering them. Remember there
are no ``right'' or ``wrong'' answers to any of the questions. Just answer as honestly as possible, and then
return the completed document to me.
Why a Ph.D?
There are many reasons people are trying to get a Ph.D. It is useful both for you and for me to know your
reasons.
Why are you pursuing Ph.D in computer science? (Mark all that apply).
1. I enjoy research
2. I want to teach, and a Ph.D is required for that
3. A Ph.D will help me get a higher salary
4. I needed to leave my home country and this was the best route
5. My parents expect it
6. My sibling(s) did it
7. I really wasn't interested in anything after my Bachelor's, and grad school was the easiest route
8. Other (explain):
What are your goals after graduating with your Ph.D? (Mark all that apply).
1. Get a research-oriented academic position
2. Get a teaching-oriented academic position
3. Work in a research lab
4. Work for some hot Internet corporation
5. Consult
6. Start my own company
7. Other (explain):
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What is involved?
Perhaps the most common vision of entering students on (theoretical) research is that they will have to
solve some hard problem that nobody solved before. That will be their thesis.
Maybe, but in general research is about a lot more than problem solving. It is about conceptualizing,
finding issues and directions, definitions, exposition and critical insight. Problem solving is always there,
but the role it plays varies.
A common situation is to be developing a new model or notion. This will involve making definitions, and
then developing algorithms and analyses. When you have new models, the technical aspects of some of
the first solutions may be quite simple. You might then wonder why nobody else did it. The reason is they
did not ask that question, or look at it in that way. Don't look down on simplicity; good research is often
simple.
Your starting research project is not likely to be to solve some known hard problem, unless you want it
that way! More likely it is something like the above, where one can make progress step by step.
Don't start by thinking about a thesis or a thesis topic. Your goal is to produce papers.
What can I get from a Ph.D?
The Ph.D experience is about much more than learning to do deep work in some technical area. Here are
some of the more general things I expect you to get.
You should get a sense of confidence in the power of rational thought and the range of its applicability.
Everything in life is a problem of some sort of the other. How often do we think about it that way, and
approach methodically the job of solving it? After a Ph.D you should have the inclination and ability to
research anything, whether it be mortgages, biology, cooking or Toyota engines, and the expectation that
you will understand it.
You should get the confidence and inclination to question all that is around you and seek out new ways of
doing it or seeing it. You should be more likely to ask why things are done a certain why, and how it could
be made better.
A Ph. D should give you the confidence that you can jump into a new area, pick it up quickly, and have
something interesting to say about it, even if other people have looked at this area for a long time. More
than depth in any one area it should give you the courage to jump from area to area.
You might increase your appreciation for creativity, in other people and in all areas of life. You might view
art differently, or think differently about music you hear, more appreciative of what it took to do this and
how it departed from the previous works. You should learn to value creativity and seek it out.
It will install a sense of taste and a critical sense. It should make you unwilling to accept the common
standards and norms, and to put them to the test of your own intellect and opinions. You should naturally
find yourself questioning things. You should be willing to contradict conventional widsom. That doesn't
mean being a rebel just for the sake of it; you are too mature for that. It just means being constructively
critical.
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How I envison working with you: The path to the Ph.D
The way a student and advisor work together differs of course from student to student. But here is the
kind of path I try to show students. Not all students follow this kind of path. It is just a rough guideline.
Phases
In the first phase I will typically try to give you a well-defined project that could lead, if successfully
completed, to a reasonable quality publication. This starting project should have clear questions, goals,
and deliverables, meaning a student should be clear on what is the target and what needs to be done to get
there. We would typically work together on properly formulating the questions, solving them, writing up a
solution, submitting it to an appropriate conference, and, if it is accepted, preparing a presentation, so that
the student gets a view of the whole process.
In the second phase I could continue to suggest projects, ranging from well-defined to fuzzy, but you are
more on your own with respect to solving the problems and writing up the solutions.
By then you should be well enough advanced that you can find your own questions as well as the answers.
That's the third phase.
Meetings
I expect to meet with you at least once a week during regular quarters and probably more often if you
work here in the summer. You are also free to drop by at non-scheduled times, or send e-mail.
Working together is fun. I enjoy it and hope you will too. So if you want to discuss a problem don't feel
shy to stop by. A good deal of research is spontaneous and social, arising from interactions with your peers
or advisor.
You may not have something substantial to report at a meeting. That's OK, as long as it's not a habit. See
the section on time allocation below.
Question
I see my advisor
1. Not often enough
2. About as often as I want
3. About as often as I can stand
4. Way too much
Meeting preparation
Prepare for your meetings. If you plan to present a scheme or an analysis or some solution, prepare the
presentation so that you can make it clearly and well. Plan the order in which you will say things, and
think about what you will write on the whiteboard, and where. There are several important reasons for
this.
Our communication goes better and quicker if you prepare well, and this makes better use of our limited
time. If I have to spend more time understanding you, you get lower quality feedback and it is harder to
work together towards a solution. Don't underestimate the importance of the quality of your presentation
to the fruitfulness of our interaction. If I find it difficult to understand you, I pay less attention and tune
out, and if it continues over time, have less and less inclination to know what you are up to, and that is
probably not to your advantage.
Students often launch into the middle of their current technical problem. It is at the forefront of your mind
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because you have been working on it. It is not necessarily at the forefront of mine: I have many projects,
and my memory is flakey in my advancing old age. Please bear with me here. Start from the beginning,
checking up where I am and what I remember. Present things in logical sequence, slowly.
Think of your presentations to me as practice for ones to other people and larger audiences.
Preparation for presentation is different from the actual technical work. No matter how deep you are into
your problem, you have to think separately about how to present it concisely and clearly.
Not all meetings call for presentation, so don't go overboard either. You may not be presenting anything.
Question
With regard to my preparation and presentation for meetings with my advisor: (Mark all that apply)
1. I prepare carefully
2. I prepare a little
3. I just waltz in
4. I want more feedback about how to do it and when I am doing it well or badly
Meeting notes
Some of you remember what we discuss, others don't and I have to repeat it next time. I suggest you bring
a notebook with you to our meetings and take notes. Don't hesitate to spend time doing that or to ask me
to stop while you do. Ask for clarifications or repetitions if necessary. Make sure we are clear with each
other about the technical issues and what to do next. If we have to go over the same thing again at the
next meeting, time is wasted for both of us.
Meeting wrap-ups
Try to be clear about where you think you are headed in the period up to the next meeting. What are the
tasks, questions, deliverables, if any? Have this written down if you are unsure you will remember it.
Questions
With regard to what I get out of meetings: (Mark all that apply)
1. I find the meetings productive and get what I want from them
2. I get something out of them but would like to get more
3. I leave meetings more confused than when I went in
4. I leave meetings unsure about what I am to do next
5. Here is how the meetings could be made more productive for me ...
Learning how to do research
There is no recipe for good research. Some students expect or hope to be provided with step-by-step
instructions or guidelines on how to find or tackle problems. That's not how it works. Here are a few
indications of what is involved.
Learning by thinking
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The first rule of research is to think, think and think again. Never hesitate to throw your mind at anything.
That should be the first thing you try. Before looking up a book or paper, before asking anyone, think. For
example, suppose you are reading a paper and there is a lemma, with the proof referred to another paper.
Should you go get the other paper to look it up? No. First, try to prove the lemma yourself. If you don't
succeed after a reasonable time, go look it up. But if you solve it yourself, you will have understood it
better. What you solve by thinking is your baby from then on; what you look up you will forget and have
to look up again and again.
Never be lazy about thinking. That's how you build up understanding and develop a bag of techniques that
you can use.
Thinking is fun. If you don't find it so, it's an indication you are in the wrong business.
Learning by example
You pick up how research is done by seeing examples and extrapolating. Papers, and discussions with
your advisor or peer, are a source of materiel. You learn how to write a paper by looking at other papers.
Make anologies. When you see a new primitive or problem, ask yourself what kinds of questions were
asked about previous ones and use that to ask questions about the new one.
As you go on, you should be able to extrapolate more and more, and farther and farther.
Natural learning
Perhaps the best indicator I have seen of a student's research proclivity is the extent to which they find the
``right'' things ``natural''. There are some students who, when shown some technical item, react, somehow
naturally having good reactions and viewpoints, about the import of the item and what to do next. These
are simply people who learn extremely well by example.
Understanding versus knowledge
It is more important to understand well what you know than to know a lot. Successful research comes
from having a good understanding, especially of the basics.
When you read a paper, ask yourself questions. What if I changed the scheme in the following way: would
it be secure or not? How does this compare to the following other scheme? Why is this novel? Can I come
up with a different proof? Understanding means the ability to go beyond the immediate. It means knowing
not just what is the item in question, but how it fits into a larger context, what are its variants, and what
happens if you ``perturbe'' it one way or another.
Questions
When do you think about research problems? (Mark all that apply)
I sometimes think about research problems at odd times, like 1. in the shower or while driving
2. I think about research problems only when I am at the lab
3. I think about research problems at home
4. I think about research problems as little as possible
With regard to how you fit into this research game
1. I think I'm a natural
2. I think I can pick it up fairly easily and like it
3. I think I can with effort learn the ways of this world and function in it
4. It's like being on Mars, but I can stand it for a few years
5. I feel totally out of place with all these nerds; what am I doing here?
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The student-advisor relationship
Unfortunately there are no paperbacks about this; we are on our own. Try to communicate as much as
possible, and be honest. Solicit feedback when you need it. You are not only free to disagree, but
encouraged to do so. Developing your own opinions and defending them is part of what you are expected
to learn to do. If you don't like a particular problem it is suggested you work on, say so and ask for
something different. If you don't see why it is important, ask for the motivation. The more honest and
direct you are, the better we can progress. Tell your advisor what you need from him or her.
How comfortable are you with your advisor? (Mark all that apply)
I am comfortable 1. saying whatever I think
2. I don't always say what I think since I'm afraid he won't think well of me
3. I am terrified of the guy and confine my actions to nodding
4. Why would I want to talk to him anyway?
5. I take the fifth amendment
What does my advisor think of me? (Mark all that apply)
1. I think I have a pretty good sense of that
2. I haven't a clue what he thinks of me and would like some more feedback
3. I sort of know but wouldn't mind some more feedback
4. I don't know and don't want to know
5. I take the fifth amendment
Gauging progress: am I on track?
The best way to know is to ask. Progress is measured in a number of ways. Direct output, like papers is
the most obvious. I also look at how your understanding and knowledge of the materiel is developing.
What's the student's job?
Nothing, really. Students sometimes view a project suggested by an advisor as a ``job'' they need to get
done. That may be appropriate for systems work; it is not in theoretical work. There is really no ``job'' I
need you to do. You are working for yourself, not for me. When I suggest projects they are only
suggestions for things we can do together or that you might do yourself.
Phase by phase
Referring to the research path above, my minimal expectation at the end of Phase 1 is that you have a
deep understanding of the subject of your first project. You should know it inside out. You should know
what happens if something in your construction is twiddled, and how it compares to other constructs. This
phase should typically take at most a year from when you begin research. By the time you are in Phase 2,
you should be ``swimming'' fairly comfortably in the materiel. You should be able to pick up new concepts
rapidly and do simple proofs in your head. You should be able to make connections across different
sub-areas, have some sense of what is known and not known, and be at ease with basic techniques. By the
time you are in Phase 3 you should have a sense of taste, critical sense and maturity in addition.
Publications versus thesis
The quantity and quality of publications you should look for varies with your Ph.D goal. If you want to
head into research, whether at a research lab or in academia, they will look at your publication record, not
your thesis. You want more than a minimal Ph.D. You want to have had recognized publications and
exposure. Students headed this way shouldn't really even be thinking about a ``thesis'': this is only a
formality for the university and less than you need. Try to do good research and get recognition in the
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research community.
What is enough?
The minimal Ph.D is probably about four papers, but there is no hard and fast rule. Sometimes you may
have stronger papers, or a larger contribution to co-authored papers than in other cases, in which case
fewer papers may be enough. In other cases you may have more minor results or a lower contribution to
co-authered papers, in which case you may need more.
Remember if you want to head into research, whether at a research lab or in academia, they will look at
your publication record, not your thesis, and you want recognized publications and exposure in the
research community.
In addition to papers I expect you to develop communication skills, both written and verbal. You should
be able to plan and give clear talks and to write clear and correct technical papers. There is no underestimating
the importance of communication.
When is enough?
Accomplishment is measured by output, not time. For time, one can only talk about the typical. The
typical time-frame is five years, assuming the first year is spent in coursework and you start research the
second year. Finishing in less time than that is neither unusual nor unusually difficult. If it looks like you
may take more than five years, it is not a good sign. At that point, funding and lab space start getting
denied, so beware.
Questions
With regard to my rate of progress towards my Ph.D goal
1. I think I'm ahead of the game
2. I think I'm about on track
3. I'm worried I'm behind
4. I haven't a clue: why doesn't someone tell me?
5. Don't ask now, because tomorrow I'm going to work twice as hard
With regard to understanding and knowledge of the materiel
1. I think I'm ahead of the game
2. I think my accomplishments and understanding are about where they should be
3. I'm worried my accomplishments and understanding are below where they should be
4. I haven't a clue: why doesn't someone tell me?
5. Don't ask now, because tomorrow I'm going to work twice as hard
Time Allocation
How people allocate research time varies enormously, not only from person to person, but, for a given
person, from week to week or quarter to quarter. Some people work on an inspiration or deadline-driven
basis, sometimes putting in long hours, then doing nothing for a few days. Others maintain a steady
schedule, coming to the lab at a certain time in the morning and leaving a certain time in the evening.
Neither is right or wrong or better or worse; it is a question of finding what works best for you.
As an advisor, what I look for is long-term productivity. A successful Ph.D student should typically
display some degree of productivity and progress over the course of a reasonably long period, like a
summer, a quarter, or more typically, a year. This would include signs of increased understanding,
confidence and maturity, and some visible output or ``deliverable'', like a complete paper.
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It is not unusual if on a particular day, or even week, you don't find yourself inclined to do much research.
Take time off now and then; if you find you can't concentrate, a vacation might do more good than trying
to sit in the lab and push yourself to work. You come back refreshed and productivity increases. I don't
want to ``micro-manage'': how you allocate time on a short-term basis is up to you. But if a long period
passes without significant progress, you should worry, and talk to me about it.
If you don't know whether you are making ``enough'' progress, ask. Don't be shy about that.
Above I discussed how time allocation varies across people and their moods, and how the long-term and
short-term views differ. With those discussions in mind, it is still useful, both for me and for you, to get a
sense of how you allocate time or other resources to research. I am not trying to ``check up'' on you!
Rather this information will give both of us some sense of your productivity. It will help me to
``extrapolate'', meaning guage your progress towards completing the Ph.D by a certain date. Remember
that the time in the question below is to be taken on the average, across a long period, like a summer or a
quarter or even a year.
Approximately how many hours a week do you spend on research, in an ``average'' week? Include time
spent thinking about research problems, writing technical papers, or discussing research topics with other
people including your advisor.
1. 0--5 hours
2. 5--10 hours
3. 10--15 hours
4. 15--20 hours
5. 20--25 hours
6. 25--30 hours
7. 30--40 hours
8. Over 40 hours
Working with others
Good research needs a social context. You learn better and produce more by interacting with others.
Besides of course talking to your advisor, talk to other students and engage in joint work with them. Of
course you must find a good balance between your own pace and that of others: there is a happy medium
between too solitary and too social.
How often do you have technical discussions with other students?
1. More than once a day
2. Once a day
3. Once a week
4. Once a month
5. Once a quarter
6. Never
Besides interactions within the department, try to build up outside contacts and co-workers. You meet
people at conferences or while at summer jobs. You might be able to interact profitably with them later.
Is this for me?
You should try to come to a frank appraisal of whether a Ph.D is the right thing for you. You need to be
totally honest with yourself about this. You need to consider the question at several levels:
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Is going for a Ph.D the right thing for me?
If so, is the area I am pursuing now right for me?
If so, is the advisor I have now right for me?
My goal here is to make you think about these things. Here are some things to think about and pitfalls to
avoid in answering these questions. Don't be scared or turned off by what is below; I am only playing
devil's advocate to get you to think!
Don't kid yourself
Liking research it is liking DOING it, not liking thinking about where it puts you, or liking to view yourself
as someone who does it. Separate the process from any perceived goal. You will only be happy in research
if you enjoy the process, the day-to-day nuts and bolts of it. If to you it is only a means to some end, you
are unlikely to enjoy yourself.
I had a friend once who from childhood had a dream of being a mathematician. She loved the idea of
being a person of the intellect. That way of life appealed to her. However, at the time she had this dream,
she had no idea what mathematics really involved. She followed mathematics and theoretical computer
science in college and grad school. However, she had a really hard time setting herself to the task.
Working on math problems was tiresome for her. It was very hard to have the discipline to sit down and
do this boring thing. She was not at all dumb; far from it, being extremely intelligent. The problem was
that although she wanted to be a mathematician, she actually hated doing the stuff. But you can't be it
without doing it. What is exhibited here is the gap between a picture of how you want to see yourself and
what is involved in actually being that. Be wary of falling in love with a high-level goal when you find the
nuts and bolts tiresome.
When you sit down daily to do your work in the lab, working on your research problem, writing the paper,
are you bored? Is it hard to motivate yourself to be there? Is it really not fun? Are you saying, ``I have to
do this''? Those are bad signs. It is not fun everyday, and all of it is not fun, but those of us that are in this
business enjoy a large fraction of the process. For me, for example, thinking about a research problem is
not work. It is probably about the most fun thing I can think of doing. You don't have to be that fond of it,
but if to you it is just work, to be done and gotten rid off as soon as possible, you are in the wrong
business. You might with a great deal of discipline finish your Ph.D, but experience has shown that even
then you will not have a real sense of accomplishment or happiness. You will also make my life difficult.
Again, liking research it is liking DOING it, not liking thinking about where it puts you. Be wary of
childhood dreams; they are often formed without any idea of what is actually involved in the process of
attaining them.
Am I smart enough?
That's the wrong question. There is no such thing as ``smart enough''.
If you love playing the piano, play it. You don't expect to be Alfred Brendel or Vladimir Ashkenazy. But
you are doing something productive for yourself and those around you. Research is the same. If you enjoy
doing it, pursue it. You will usually find that you can contribute something. As you go on, you will
discover your strengths and find you have something unique to offer. Maybe there are others who are
smarter in some way; they can compute complex probabilities in their head faster than you can, or
whatever. But your contributions may be valuable in other ways.
As discussed above, research has many components. Problem solving, identifying issues, presentation,
modeling, and criticism are amongst them. See what aspects best suit your abilities and personality. There
is probably a niche for you somewhere.
What is written above about kidding yourself does NOT refer to ability or perception of ability; it refers to
motivation and honesty about motivation. I want to be sure you are pursuing research for the ``right''
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reasons.
Self confidence
Self-confidence affects our performance and success in all walks of life, from sports to socializing to
dating. It plays a role in research too. Sometimes I meet students who don't have confidence. This can lead
to a disinclination to work. Fear of failure leads to inactivity. People ``freeze'' up because they are so
worried they aren't ``good enough''. If this sounds familiar, at least you know you are not alone.
Increasing your self-confidence is very much a personal issue, but here are some reflections from my
experience.
You can find confidence only within yourself. Don't expect to get it from others, even your advisor.
Someone telling you that you did well is useful to boost morale, but in the end you must believe in
yourself.
If you are afraid of failure you will have a hard time succeeding. You have to fall a few times to learn to
skate or ride a bicycle. Research is worse. Once you learn to ride a bicycle you don't fall again, but in
research you never stop failing. You will fail far more often than you succeed. But it is from your failures
that you learn. They increase your understanding and maturity. If you find the process of research fun,
failure to solve a problem is not daunting. In fact, it leads to all kinds of discoveries. So you need to learn
to not care about failing, but use it to get new ideas.
One nice thing about research is that nobody need know when you failed. You write papers only about
your successes. But that is also deceptive, because you don't see the failures of others. But they are there.
Even the top people don't always succeed. Gauss failed sometimes, as did Einstein.
Try to ask yourself exactly why you lack confidence. Be entirely honest with yourself. Go back to the
discusions above about your motivations.
Question
How much self-confidence do I have with regard to research? (Mark all that apply)
1. I'm the hottest thing ever
Enough to pursue a problem for a while and be reasonably sure, if I abandon it, that it is not
solvable
2.
Enough to pursue a problem for a while and be reasonably sure, if I abandon it, that it would be
pretty hard, even for experts
3.
4. I give up pretty quick
5. I can't even start thinking for fear of not solving it
Choosing an area and an advisor
It is never too late to change areas. If you don't like where you are now, switching to a different area or
advisor can make a marked difference. Try to explore before settling down.
You should feel you have some understanding of the importance of the area you choose, that it is worth
your investment of time in it. Your advisor should be able to inspire you about the work and give you a
sense that it is worth it and worth your time.
When you pick an advisor, ask yourself why you chose that person. Good reasons include that you like
that advisor's area, that he or she can inspire you, that you understand each other and get along. A poor
reason is that you are afraid you won't get through and maybe this person is your best bet to make it.
The Ph.D Experience http://cseweb.ucsd.edu/~mihir/phd.html

Road to be a Doctor---01

2011-05-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today I finally sent a email to Helen, talked about my confusing about pusuring PhD degree. Helen is such a kiiiiiiiind professor, told me to stop by her office next week and discuss this issue face to face with her. Actually, I am totally moved and so appreciate Helen!

Get down to business.

It is middle of May now, in the same month next year I will finish master study and graduate from POLY. Whether pusuring phd degree has been considered in my mind for nearly one year. The initial motivation is doctor is so respectable and sounds like pround! Besides, being a phd is a way to prove myself. At least, I am lack of confidence of degree and university since I entered into Shanghai University! However, I know pusuring phd is a very tough way to go, and I am very very inferior and lack of confidence about it! I think only smartest people graduated from high-level university and filled with great enthusiasm in research can be a phd candidate. I conceive a huge dream or goal, but I am much lower level than it!

So I turn to Helen to ask for her advice. Maybe she can give me valuable suggestion and her experience about pursuing phd degree. Because she told me she was a lack-of-confidence female student before and she gave me some courage. Of course, she indeed was more excellent and smarter than me when she was the same age as I am.

Ok, this is my first step to my doctor dream! Write it down and dream of bright future!

2011年2月12日 Princeton tour

2011-02-14T10:12:00.000-08:00

去新泽西的票好贵，来回一个人要33刀！夏子狠了狠心买了。

去的路上，出了NYC才是真正的美国。

到达Princeton Junction站

改坐前往Princeton University的小火车，让我想起了以前上大的767路公交车，是不是Princeton也要补贴这列小火车的运营经费的？

下了火车，看到的第一幢楼

夏子猥琐地蹲在地上，跟1886年Princeton毕业校友纪念牌合影

纪念911事件中去世的princeton校友

我觉得这张拍滴不错~HIAHIA~~~

这张也不错，看上去挺高的说！

我硬拉着夏子在这个雕塑前合影。

拿骚街上看到爱因斯坦的故居，里面正在搞一个爱因斯坦展览。可惜不能拍照。

爱因斯坦生前最喜欢吃的冰激凌店里，挂着可爱的爱因斯坦的照片

看我在爱因斯坦故居买的玩偶，超可爱！可是好贵！要17块！

以前在国内很向往的走廊，其实也不过如此。

有点霍格沃茨的感觉

身后的那个塔貌似是校园内最高的建筑了

好难得的合影，来美国第一次请别人帮我俩拍了一张合影。

夏子的鬼脸做的没有我销魂，哈哈

那天其实相当的冷，可是照片中的美国大妞就是穿着短裙在校园里“横行”，看得我一个劲儿滴哆嗦

回小车站的路上，看到一只松鼠过马路，还没来得及掏出相机，松鼠就跑开了。只好拍下了我认为是松鼠的这个雕塑

在Princeton Junction的瑟瑟寒风中等车

回来时在W-4Street碰见两个拿油漆桶当鼓敲的黑人。敲得还是挺有韵律和节奏的。可是，有点吵！

请放轻松

2011-02-11T11:55:00.000-08:00

这周三如愿以偿地换了GA的导师，从Professor Liu换到了Helen那里。Professor Liu研究的方向是网络协议和算法，偏向软件设计，而helen那里则是硬件设计。在Liu的手下开了两三次会议，看了几篇paper之后，感觉自己的确对软件不感兴趣，甚至有点厌恶。思来想去，决定尝试一下换老师。幸运的是helen手里居然还有GA的名额。虽然报酬比Liu少了一半，我最终还是投向了helen(*^__^*)
GA的事情算是尘埃落定，可是这高兴劲没几天，确切的说只维持了一天，我又开始愁上心头了。因为，要开始找暑期实习了。

寒假在Broadcom上面投了几份简历，昨天上网查了一下状态，全部被毙。Intel的也毫无悬念的被cut掉了。PolyLink上面的intern几乎都是about software，requiring JAVA, C++, PHP, SQL, etc,. 我顿时没了主意，这可怎么办？于是，我的焦虑症又开始犯了。心里就像压了块石头一样，总是有心事，眉头不展的。进而想到了夏子的事情，夏子寒假被我催促着报考了GRE，这几天在忙活着申请NYU的financial master。可是夏子总是一副不急不躁的样子，似乎什么事情都没有他玩游戏那么紧急。而且，似乎他并不是那么迫切地想申请这个degree。另外，关于夏子找工作的事情，他似乎也是不急。甚至秋天的时候就想到回国这条退路。

夏子的一切似乎都被我安排着，催促着。可是，我并不像这样。有时，我会反思自己是不是一个控制欲很强的人。我也不知道其他couple的情况是怎样，自己这样的督过分了还是说正常甚至是还需要加强的。每每我督促了夏子，稍微有点tight，夏子就开始厌烦，有几次甚至发了很大的火。其实，我心里也是很委屈的。

我的事情，夏子的事情，各种事情掺杂在一起，我觉得我的心事越来越多。动不动就有放不下的事情。昨天还跟夏子说：夏子啊，你申请要是成功了或者顺利找到工作了，我心里的愁就减少70%了。

不过，忧愁归忧愁。生活还是要继续。想一想我找到了心仪的GA，能够开心地做我喜欢做的field，夏子从生活上来说还是一个很体贴的人，我至少不缺钱花，不少衣服穿，有人爱，为什么还要为以后不确定的事情愁白了头？

实习的事情才刚刚开始，我在美国的生活刚开始了1/4，今后会怎样，一切都是未知数。没有实习，没有工作，我可以努力，需要networking，需要信息，我可以花时间去挖掘，要改简历，要让简历变得更牛，我可以花时间去写，去添加。还没有努力，就开始焦虑，何苦为难自己呢？

夏子那里，我要学会慢慢放宽心态。夏子他也是一个成年人了，我不是他的妈妈，他想干什么，需要干什么，我不要再躲过滴干涉了。虽然，看在眼里还是很难受，但是要学会放松。夏子想成为什么样的人，他自己知道，什么时候需要努力，他有一天也会知道。

relax，王文华！

I feel a little bit down

2011-02-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

这两天心情不太好，尤其是今天。今晚学校搞了一个新春联欢会，我没有去。呆在图书馆写了一个晚上的SKILL代码。近几年渐渐的不喜欢参加热闹的集体活动，担心人一多，自己又说多话说错话失态了。即使这样，今晚仍旧被人扣上了“大名鼎鼎的EE一姐”之称号。这名号，我是受受不起的，更是受之不爽的。
说来自打进了POLY之后，认识熟悉的也就那么几个人两只手数的出来，而且室友是XZ，说来跟其他同学打交道算是比较少的。怎么就“大名鼎鼎”了！那位给我冠上“一姐”名号的同学说我是校内状态帝。校内上状态更新最快最多的就是我。反思了一下，这点我承认了。看来这一次我又栽在校内这厮的手上了！
回来的路上很不爽，加之今天一天累得不行，所以心情很down。回来吃饭的时候跟XZ说要他把我的校内密码给改了，我要杜绝校内。XZ举双手同意。但是饭后想了想，还是不忍心，那么多菜还没收呢，还是别改密码了。今后克制克制就行。绝对不要再当状态帝鸟！
想了想，这个本命年开头确实不顺。（呵呵，可能是心理作用）看来迷信有时还是对的！
总之，今后还是继续得保持低调谦虚的作风。冷静冷静再冷静！少八卦，多读书！少掺和别人的是是非非。要跟夏子一直平淡幸福地走下去~(*^__^*)
有了夏子，我什么都不怕~

耦合与因果

2010-11-28T11:49:00.000-08:00

耦合是个有趣的结构，很多电路都有耦合结构。再加上反馈线，构成了你中有我我中有你的奇妙的电路结构，往往让我不知道如何下手分析。每分析一小步，就得回头check其他部分的响应。静止分析，运动分析不停交错。
有时对耦合这一结构是否符合绝对的因果关系产生一丝怀疑。